


How exactly...

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Firefly
Genre: Apples, Crack, Escape, Explanations, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-20
Packaged: 2018-02-13 22:18:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2167227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five possible answers to the question "How exactly did you escape a locked room guarded by bad guys with only an apple?" from 5 different characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How exactly...

**Author's Note:**

> For a prompt at comment-fic on lj.

**Jayne**  
I put the apple in my pocket and pretended it was a gun and told them to stick 'em up. They laughed at me then, but luckily I had a real gun as well.

 **Inara**  
I sat in the guard's line of sight and ate the apple, very, very slowly, licking its juice off my lips. Then I held out the apple and asked if he wanted a bite. I grabbed his gun while he was reaching for the apple, and told him to put his hands up.

 **Kaylee**  
I pried a screw from the table and used it to drill a hole into the apple exactly 2 millimeters wide, then I started screaming bloody murder. When the guards came in to tell me to stop screaming, I said that a Borlaxian parasite just crawled out of the apple and I didn't know where it went, and they were all afraid the parasite would crawl up their nose into their brain. They were so distracted looking for the parasite that I just up and left.

 **Wash**  
I named the apple Terry and I named my pinky finger Jebediah, and I made Terry and Jebediah have a long conversation about what it should be called if you cross-bred a cat, a parrot, and an elephant, and then Terry and Jebediah discussed whether such a creature would be able to talk, and if so, what would it say, and then Terry insulted Jebediah's intelligence, and that just led to an argument where they both revealed each other's dark and sordid secret pasts, but finally Terry and Jebediah cried and hugged and made up and went back to talking about the kittyrotphants (Terry calls them 'elparcats' but what does he know), and then the guards said that listening to me one more night warn't worth the ransom, so they let me go. Nice fellas.

 **River**  
I hit them in the face with the apple.


End file.
